Transform your home from a battleground into a place where siblings genuinely love and support each other

When you hear the word “siblings,” what comes to mind? Maybe it’s stolen clothes, constant fighting, bratty brothers, or bossy sisters. If your household feels more like a war zone than a loving family, you’re not alone—but there’s a better way.

After raising six very different children, I’ve discovered proven strategies that completely transformed how my kids love and interact with each other. These game-changing approaches can revolutionize your family dynamics too.

The Reality Check: It’s Not About Perfect Kids

Let me be clear—I don’t everything right, and my kids aren’t perfect angels. They fought, they argued, and we went through challenging seasons just like any normal family. But there were specific intentional strategies we implemented that made a huge difference in creating unity within our sibling relationships.

The key? Being proactive rather than reactive.

Strategy #1: Create Intentional Memory-Making Opportunities

Why Shared Experiences Matter

If the only time your children have fun is outside the home with friends—never with their siblings—something needs to change. You want to create a home environment where fun happens naturally, and meaningful memories are made together.

How We Built Connection Through Family Adventures

For our family, this transformation happened largely through intentional family vacations and experiences:

• Disney trips with just our family (no extras invited)
• Camping adventures that required teamwork
• Cross-country road trips that created shared stories
• Living in an RV for an extended period

Was it always easy? Absolutely not. Some experiences were genuinely challenging. But these shared adventures built something invaluable: unity, memories, and deep connection. Years later, my children still reference these experiences.

Practical Ideas for Building Sibling Bonds

Good News: You don’t need elaborate vacations to create connection. Consider these accessible options:

• Weekly game nights
• Ice cream runs together
• Cooking projects as a team
• Backyard camping adventures
• Family movie marathons
• Building projects or crafts

The goal is consistent, positive shared experiences where siblings learn to enjoy each other’s company.

Strategy #2: Make Sibling Rivalry Non-Negotiable

Setting Clear Family Standards

In our household, we simply didn’t allow sibling rivalry to flourish. This wasn’t about creating unrealistic expectations—it was about establishing clear family values and consistently reinforcing them.

Our approach: “This is not how a Peterson behaves.”

We set a tone and maintained that standard through both words and actions.

The Power of Speaking Life Into Relationships

Words have incredible power to shape reality. We constantly reinforced our children’s bonds with positive language:

• “You’re so lucky to have a sister so close in age.”
• “Everyone would love to have a little brother like yours.”
• “She’s such a great big sister—she really loves you.”

This wasn’t empty flattery. We were intentionally building their view of each other and their relationships.

Addressing Problems Without Ignoring Them

When issues arose (and they did), we didn’t ignore them or hope they’d resolve themselves. Instead:

• For younger children acting out: “That’s not how we act in this family.”
• For older siblings being bossy: “Is that how you want to be remembered? That’s not okay.”

We redirected behavior and coached character. We actively shaped the atmosphere of our home rather than passively accepting societal norms.

What you expect is what you will accept.

If you expect constant arguing, you’ll accept constant arguing. But if you establish clear boundaries—”Nope, not in this house”—and consistently maintain them, your children will rise to meet those expectations.

Building Character, Not Just Managing Behavior

Our goal wasn’t just to stop fighting—it was to actively cultivate an atmosphere where love, peace, patience, and kindness could flourish in sibling relationships. This meant intentionally growing the “fruits of the Spirit” within our family dynamics.

This approach goes beyond sibling dynamics—it’s foundational character formation. We were teaching our children how to treat people they’ll be in relationship with for their entire lives.

The Long-Term Payoff: Reaping What You Sow

Today, I get to experience the incredible joy of watching the seeds we planted years ago bloom into beautiful fruit:

• ~My older children naturally pour into and mentor the younger ones
• ~Sisters regularly call to encourage and support each other
• ~My 25-year-old son speaks wisdom into my 18-year-old daughter’s life
• ~When my son needed support for his missionary work, his sisters rallied behind him
• ~My younger son donated money from his own efforts to support his missionary siblings

This isn’t accidental—it’s the direct result of years of intentional investment in their relationships.

Getting Started: It’s Never Too Late to Change Direction

If You’re Starting From Scratch

Don’t be discouraged if your family dynamics have been challenging. Depending on where you are in your parenting journey and how long unhealthy patterns have been established, change might take time—but it’s absolutely possible.

Steps to Begin Today

1. Acknowledge the need for change: If necessary, have an honest family conversation: “We haven’t done this right. We’re going to be a family that loves.”
2. Establish new expectations: Clearly communicate your family’s values and standards for how siblings treat each other.
3. Create positive experiences: Start planning regular activities that allow your children to have fun together.
4. Speak life consistently: Begin using positive language about your children’s relationships with each other.
5. Address conflicts proactively: Don’t ignore problems, but handle them with consistent, loving correction.

Why This Matters Beyond Childhood

The sibling relationships you’re building now will last a lifetime. You’re not just managing today’s conflicts—you’re laying the foundation for your children’s future support system, their understanding of healthy relationships, and their character development.

Encouragement for the Journey

If you want grown children who genuinely love being together, who support one another through life’s challenges, and who have a strong relational foundation—you build that now, in the everyday moments of childhood.

Remember: You will reap what you sow.

If you sow kindness, patience, and love between your children today, you will see that harvest in the years to come.

Final Thoughts: You Can Do This

Mama, don’t grow weary in this important work. Yes, it requires intentionality. Yes, it takes consistency. But the long-term payoff—watching your children choose to love and support each other throughout their lives—is immeasurably worth the investment.

I raised six very different children and saw this transformation happen in our family. If it’s possible for us, it’s possible for you too.

Be intentional with your family.
Be intentional with sibling relationships.
Speak life. Build connection.

Start today. Being intentional with sibling relationships changes everything!