Hi, my name is Nancy, and I am a recovering compara-holic.
There I said it!
Truth is, I battle the mindset of scarcity. The belief that there is not enough to go around. I compared life to pizza, and there were only so many pieces. Fear of looking at an empty pizza pan kept me in a state of comparison. Assessing if I had what it took to be invited to the table, stay in the circle, or any other alternatives situations that kept me struggling with “less than” thinking.
Am I the only one? Have you found yourself comparing?
It can be as silly as physical appearance and as complex as marriage. I rarely come out on top.
Years ago, when a woman walked into my area of expertise and brought her gifts to share, I somehow felt I was no longer needed. As if only one set of talents could be utilized at a time. Instead of seeing it as an opportunity to collaborate as we enhance the space, I saw it as a competition. Like a showdown in the wild west, one of us needed to retreat, and I seemed to be holding the short stick. It was a shadow of insecurity that haunted me. Of course, I was always welcoming and inviting, but this battle raged within, tearing apart my sense of identity and purpose. Too many times I believed the lie. I was not enough. I wasn’t smart enough, old enough, or young enough. “She” was always better and had more offer, so like a pathetic dog, I would turn around with my tail between my legs. Of course, no one noticed because the smile on my face hid my inner battle.
Another person achieving something does NOT limit your success. In fact, it should encourage you that it can be done.
Let me further illustrate this point… I have been running. I know, shocker. I loathe running. On my route, there is a huge hill. I could make it about halfway up without dying (aka walking). But at my age, I was feeling pretty good about my accomplishment. UNTIL…. my daughter informs me she conquered the hill. Even though she is 23 and I am almost double her age, it gave me hope. That “mountain” became doable. Knowing she made it up the hill allowed me to believe that I too could make it.
Truth must replace the lie for inner healing to begin. Life is not a pizza. It is a smorgasbord, where there is variety and plenty for all. God has a plan and a purpose for each of his children. You fulfilling your plan, has nothing to do with my assignment. We are all a part of his master design and together, we can reach more and do more. God needs the uniqueness that each person brings to the room. If one sister rises, she clears a path for the rest of us.
We compare out of insecurity.
The mountain top is big enough to hold all those brave enough to climb, to serve, to share their talents. Be courageous enough to invite one more along the journey. Fight the scarcity mindset and embrace more. When “she” struts in looking flawless, powerful, or (you fill in the blank), dig deep within to find God’s truth. There is room. Her contribution doesn’t diminish yours. Her light doesn’t dim yours. Her voice doesn’t erase yours.
I would love to say the war is over but if I am not careful, it could creep in the back door. And as far as that hill, I beat it, just like I conquered the scarcity belief.
There is enough. With God, I am enough. My prayer is, as women, we stay in our own lane yet appreciate the contributions each individual brings. Joy is found in the midst of female companionship and collaboration. Let’s unite, encourage and celebrate our successes together. We are not meant to compete but to complement each other.